A whole day older...

Me again, signing in for the first time in a long time.

And right now, I'm stressing - exams are just a few days away!

So this will be a really quick blog, just to check in.

It was my birthday yesterday, and I'm feeling old. 19.

And some of you may well cry out in protest at this - "19?! And she feels old? She needs to get some perspective!" - but I have my reasons.

When I was 17, someone I was really close to died, just a week before his 20th birthday. Hitting 19 has shown me that soon I'll be older than he ever was, and it doesn't feel right, not one bit.

Of course, I had a good time (thanks to all of my amazing flatmates and uni friends!), but some things just play on your mind.

Why do I miss you?

Recently, I've been thinking more and more about my friend who I met through university applications and talked to all last summer.


We used to talk for hours on Skype every day, only stopping if one of us had to go out or do something. We spoke from about April up until August without stopping.


Here's the thing: we both applied for university in Sheffield. He got in, I didn't. Cue, him deciding not to bother talking to me anymore.


But it's not as easy as all that - I still really miss our chats that took up entire days, and I wish he'd visit me again, or even just start a simple conversation. Not that he believes that.


Why do people miss each other? I mean, it's not like I don't have any other friends... I just want to speak to him again. There's something about this one person that makes me want to talk to him. I just blew my chance with this by not getting the grades I needed.


And don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Lincoln, and my university now. I have the best friends anyone could ask for. I do a brilliant course. I'm enjoying my new life.


I just wonder what my life could have been like if I'd done something differently.


So, really, this is a "what if" blog.


What if I'd done something different, gone a different way in life?


But I'll never know that, and I guess it's time to stop wondering - I need to look to the future.


It does make me wonder though: how many other potential students go through this every year, all because of universities and UCAS? 

Valentine's Day

So, earlier I posted this on my Facebook timeline:

"It's times like this when I think of the people who aren't around anymore and feel sad, but then thank god for all the amazing people who still are here. People come and go all the time, but just because someone isn't there right now, doesn't mean they aren't thinking of you ♥"

A girl I used to know really well commented on it, saying that it made her cry.

This made me think: why?

And I realised, everyone reads something different into a statement or action.

***

St. Valentine's Day is a day to be with the ones you love. You don't necessarily have to get involved with all the commercial stuff - just enjoy having people around you who care.

People focus so much on love being romantic, but why can't Valentine's Day be a day for friends too? I, for one, will be spending the vast majority of the day with my flatmates.

Unlike most, I'm not bitter or sad about being single for this celebration - I'm embracing it. I can't wait to celebrate past, present and future relationships, and I couldn't think of better people to do it with.